Comic #456 was a question about the Second Scariest Thing Ever, and since I didn’t have an answer quite at the ready I decided to brainstorm and make a list of whatever popped into my head as something scary. I thought readers might be curious and/or amused to see this list, because if the internet was created for a reason it is probably in order to reveal your inner fears to strangers.

  • weird old men that try to tell you things about the weather
  • horrible ghost children that peer into your windows
  • robot snakes
  • any robot version of animals that are already deadly
  • parents that you didn’t realize were waiting up for you late at night
  • pedestrian crosswalks that were flashing but you didn’t stop for and didn’t realize until afterward
  • people in hospital or clinic waiting rooms
  • situations where you feel like you’re the only normal one
  • shaving close to sideburns
  • that Large Hadron Collider thing that might kill us all
  • “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” (Klowns might be spelled with a C, I don’t remember)
  • your own imagination
  • things from the uncanny valley
  • that bit in “One of These Days” by Pink Floyd where the guy says he’ll cut you into little pieces
  • the idea of things living under your stairs that will try to grab your ankles
  • scorpions, dude
  • when you’re riding the bus and the windows are really foggy and you suddenly don’t know where you are at all
  • falling asleep on the bus and waking up across the street from the Scientology centre, and the bus is empty save for the driver
  • that door in my parents place that creaks open as I walk toward it
  • the bathtub part in “Eternal Darkness”
  • being friends with a doctor and learning about all the hideous things that can go wrong in your own body
  • recordings of numbers stations
  • my dumb older brothers
  • changing lightbulbs, no joke
  • crossing the border back into Canada
  • time’s inexorable onward march
  • that part in the US version of “The Ring” when she crawls out of that TV and then WARPS TOWARD THE GUY
  • that stupid hospital in “Resident Evil 4”
  • the 3DO version of “Alone in the Dark”, back in the day
  • that time I was flipping through channels as a child and saw the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, where their faces melt
  • basically anything with stingers of any kind
  • that stupid plant near the stairs at my parents’ place (longish story)
  • leeches
  • bad dreams
  • streetlights that go out when you walk by
  • new jobs
  • the basement at my great-aunts’ place
  • empty factories
  • empty factories in which you are playing Pink Floyd on the weekend while cleaning up
  • empty factories in which you are playing Pink Floyd and the song “one of these days” (see above) is playing very loudly as you work
  • whatever is standing behind you right now (seriously, don’t look)
  • big spiders. not like, mutant big, like Shelob or anything. Tarantulas. That sort.
  • the audio version of reCaptcha codes (google recaptcha, go to their website, listen to the audio version. spine-chilling!)

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