Here is how the night actually went. A good amount of people showed up. There was no formal ‘program’ or ‘introductions’ so we all sorta grouped off to cook supper for ourselves and families. I ended up hanging out with people I already do anyway.
Then all the parents went home to put their kids to bed, and suddenly there was like a dozen people left including me. Most of them were classmates I didn’t really know well, so we gathered around a fire and people started telling really interesting stories about their high school shenanigans. As a cloistered computer nerd I had no idea about…a lot of what went on.
Ultimately I don’t remember anyone making a big deal out of my single status. I was really anxious to go, but it was okay in the end. [January 5, 2017]
Option: Closet Bound
In this one you reveal in front of everyone for the first time that you are bi-sexual and haven’t decided which side of the fence to fall on yet for a permanent commitment.
Option: Life Threatening Illness
In this one you find the most attractive/easy member of the female sex and tell her all about your inability to settle down because you don’t want to burden your future mate with your illness. You then tell her that you have always found her incredibly attractive and would love for her to pleasure you before you… you know die.
Option: Going to WAR
This is the same as above except you replace illness with likely death in battle.
I think that should give you a few more options and ways to tag some of the crushes of the past.
Best of luck.
P.S. you’ll have to let me know how it goes as I will be working that day and unable to attend.
Here’s some more options:
OPTION: Been There, Done That
In this option, you trivialize marriage by saying that you already went through that phase. Alternatively, you can pretend you are a widow, and perhaps catch some sympathy that way.
OPTION: Experts Agree
Did you know that all the recent studies into marriage agree that people shouldn’t get married until they’re at least 30? You’re just being smart and not rushing into it.
OPTION: The One
You just haven’t found “The One”. It’s as simple as that.
GUYS GUYS clam down with the “OPTIONS”. You’re going to give him too many options and he’ll inevitably confuse them and just seem crazy. Although people would stop asking him about it then.
Here’s another option
OPTION: Bag Face
Wear a bag over your head. Nobody will know who you are, and therefore you will never have to answer questions other than, “Who are you?”
You could probably look at the married people with pity. It’s like people with kids. “I can’t imagine life without little Johnny”, when really… they can. It’s what we tell ourselves to justify the fact that we freely gave up single life. Don’t be fooled! It’s all a rouse! Behind many a 10-year reunion pasted on married smile, is a bit of jealousy. 😉 I’ll have to create a special name for this comment so people don’t think I hate my spouse. I really don’t!! But some of you 10-year reunion marrieds are big fat fakers and it skews the numbers!
Will any of these tips work for girls? I mean, not that I need any of them, of course. It’s not like I’ve got a family reunion coming up and I’ve got to explain why I’m the only single female left in my family over the age of 10.
No, these options absolutely do not work for girls.
Do not attempt to use these options.