Category: great mysteries of the universe

there was a dude in grade 3 who told me the CRAZIEST Mario stories

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I feel compelled to explain a few things.

First of all, the alt-text of this comic is in reference to the way it seems as though every amazing, probably-untrue video game story I heard as a kid came from somebody’s cousin. Growing up I knew a couple of different people that made a habit of telling outlandish stories, and according to them, their cousins were the most amazing people ever.

The title of the comic is referring to my old pal Tim. Not you, Tim B, a different Tim. (I know a lot of Tims). Tim had secret knowledge and loved to fill me in on what he knew. I didn’t believe any of it, but his stories were entertaining and I wanted to know what he’d say next. At the tender age of eight he already “knew” all about sex (I wish I could remember this conversation), the occult, and best of all — video games!

On one instance, Tim told me all about how his brother fired up a game of Super Mario Bros. and for whatever reason was compelled to ram a 5-1/4″ floppy disk into the system along with the cartridge. Miraculously, rather than damaging anything, the game turned from 2D to 2.5D! Mario still ran from left to right but obstacles and enemies had astonishing depth and the game was immersive in a way it had never been before.

Of course, to their sadness they were never able to replicate their success. [February 22, 2012]

opposite day: fascinating paradox, or just a way to insult people and get away with it?

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I actually got a good deal of positive feedback on this one. Mostly words of thanks from people with kids. There’s one of those comments on the site itself, but I’ve also gotten verbal feedback from people. The way out of Opposite Day is so simple I wonder how I never thought of it before. I won’t say I was the first to arrive there, surely, but I’m still proud of myself for getting there at all. [May 12, 2011]

mine’s Peter. yeah, laugh it up.

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I have kind of a chip on my shoulder regarding my middle name. Is that the right expression? Hang on, I’m going to google it. [Google Research Break!] The thing is, throughout my whole life people have tended to giggle at me when they hear my middle name. I’ve honestly no idea why but it starts to bother a person.

I have a half-baked theory but it is entirely rooted in the specific cultural background of my hometown and in any case it isn’t very interesting so I shall decline to go into it. Some people I know have middle names that really work for them, but I thought you might like to know that this comic came from a place of embarrassment and shame. Actually that sounds much worse than it is. The embarrassment is greatly diminished now, but when ever people ask me I still hesitate before replying. [April 28, 2011]

another thing would be “comic ideas, un-had”

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This comic doesn’t make a lot of sense. I completely acknowledge that. What inspired it was this: at the movie theatre I used to work for there were spice containers for your popcorn. You could buy a nice bag, head over to the spice area and load them down with things like white cheddar and BBQ flavours. These containers periodically needed to be refilled and cleaned.

The notable thing about them was that they were paradoxically harder to open if you tried harder to open them. They were twist-off lids. If you grabbed and wrenched they wouldn’t budge. If you adopted a light touch and a minimal amount of twist, they’d slide right open. THAT’S what I was trying to get across. Maybe I should have just stuck with trying to tell that story. Well, what’s done is done![May 22, 2011]